Helpline Question of the Month: What to do with my Teenager in Europe?
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My 15-year-old daughter and I plan to travel to Paris, the Dordogne, Barcelona, Madrid and Rome. I have been to France, Spain and Italy on Rick Steves' tours, so no guide for us this time. (Plus my daughter said she wants no part of getting on a tour bus at 8:00 a.m.) My concern is she also told me, 'Mom, no museums, no old churches!' Any ideas out there for what to do with a teenager in Europe? Besides shopping and eating? We have a tight budget and plan on taking overnight trains to save money and public transport throughout.
Dawnya
Saint George
Gail
Downington, USA
Don't worry. Traveled extensively with 2 teenage sons and they wanted no part of the same things but I made them do it. Once we arrived at a museum, historical site, they rolled their eyes and humored me and once they got inside, didn't want to leave. To save money, we bought bread/sandwich fixings and had a lot of picnics.
Maureen
Atlanta
She may have to give a bit on the museums and churches. I can't imagine going to Paris and NOT getting to see the Louvre or D'Orsay or Notre Dame. I mean, there's museums, and then there's these places. She probably won't want to spend a whole day in the Louvre, but a couple of hours might do.
You say you have a tight budget, but you're visiting a couple of expensive cities. If you want to keep spending down, minimize your time in Paris and Rome. Find family-run places to stay, or doubles in hostels.
Shopping is a big draw for teenage girls (maybe you can use that as a bargaining chip for some Louvre time). Montmartre has some good discount stores. We took my teenage nieces over with us last year, they loved the shopping, but they went along to all the other sights with us, too. I'd find the Let's Go books for the places you're visiting and have your daughter see what interests her
Brad
Gainesville, VA
Our oldest daughter took a month long Mexico trip with us when she was 14. She was so horrible the entire trip that we left her at Grandma's for our month long family trip to Europe a couple of years later.
Every once in awhile, when I notice a family that has a blissfully happy teenage daughter in tow along with their other kids, I turn to my wife and ask, "Where do you get one of those?" Her response, "She's probably their niece, baby-sitter or au pair. She can't be their daughter!" :)
Jerry
Winston Salem, NC
I would skip the overnight trains with a teenage girl. Think about it: lack of sleep, toilet down the hall, poor lighting for make-up. It doesn't sound like fun to me.
Nate
Eureka, IL
My wife had always done a majority of the planning on our trips. I would just give her a couple of my must-sees. But ever since I started to help plan the last couple trips and I have gotten way more out of them. I knew that going to the Louvre and other museums would require me to look up this art stuff, so I bought Rick Steves' Europe 101 History & Art for the Traveler. When I got there, instead of looking at a painting/sculpture and wondering what was so great about it, I looked at it and knew why it was so special. The same with churches and other significant buildings.
If your daughter wants a French shopping experience take her down the Champs-Elysees. She will be shocked at the prices Europeans pay for American brands and how popular they are. When we were in Rome the owner of the B&B got a package from her friend in the US and it was full of Levi's jeans and GAP shirts. She was so excited and we just laughed. We told her if we would have known we would have brought clothes for her and paid our bill that way!
James
Ansbach, Bayern Germany
I took my 14 year old son to places like Garmisch, Fuessen, Nuernberg, Trier, Luxembourg, Berlin, Krakow, Auschwitz, Kutna Hora, and Prague. If he enjoyed himself, it certainly didn't show...
Dawnya
Saint George
I'm laughing a lot at these posts but also getting a little scared for our trip! Kelsie is a great kid, but is also a typical teenage girl. Hair, makeup and fashion are very important to her. I like the idea of giving her Rick's art book. (Although she prefers to be on Facebook and MySpace to reading anything.) I have already been to all of the places on our itinerary so my goal is to have a beautiful memory with my child. I want her to have fun, not be bored, sullen and grouchy. Anymore tips on ways to save money would be nice. My budget is tight but I know we can still have fun.
Audrey
Singapore
Nate's post sparked off an idea for Paris. Dawnya, if your daughter's into fashion, she could visit the top French fashion houses (e.g. Chanel). Might give her bragging rights at home. Girls of any age probably enjoy visiting chocolatiers, too. Take a look at this article for more information: http://travel.nytimes.com/2008/12/14/travel/14journeys.html.
Toni
Charlotte, NC
Maybe you can do some trade-offs with your daughter. For every "old church" or museum she visits (without griping), you'll take her shopping for X hours at her choice of market, shop, etc. Also, start prepping her now that she probably won't be able to text and might not get to email often. International phone service can be VERY expensive.
I agree that staying at hostels and doing some of your own meals (picnics, or cooking at the hostel) can save a lot of money. Plus daughter gets to meet some people her age. Get her to research the places you are going to for hostels as well as for things she'd like to see and do.
Heather
Victoria, BC
Dawnya, I am trying to do the same thing with my 16-year old son. He has already said exactly what your daughter said: no tour bus (for the same reason) and let's keep the museums and churches to a minimum. The fact that he doesn't understand the importance of this kind of history is exactly why I want to take him to Europe! At the same time, I really do want him to have a great holiday and return with lifelong memories of a trip with his mom.
We're definitely on a budget, too, so I am going to try to follow Rick' Best of Europe in 21 Days route. (Hey Rick — I'd give anything to go on a tour that is geared to accommodate the 14-18 year old teenagers! Any plans for something like this?!) [Ed. note: read this.]
Some of the things we're going to do include finding hostels that are in cool places, like jails, mills, and castles. We plan to go see Hitler's Eagle's Nest, go luge riding, hiking in the alps, and taking some cooking classes in Italy (my son loves to cook). I am certain we would get so much more out of this trip if we went on Rick's tour, but I'll have to save that experience for myself the following year. I hope you and your daughter have an excellent holiday together that you never forget!
Joann
Dartmouth, MA USA
Dawnya, I have one question: who is paying for this trip? For everyone to enjoy themselves, I think you need to speak with your daughter about this being a trip for "BOTH" of you. Have her do some research too and pick several must sees in each city and you do the same. In addition to learning about European history and art she will also be learning a lesson in compromise and thoughtfulness.
On the lighter side, since she is interested in fashion the travelingprofessor.com website has 2 blog entries in August for the fashion lover. One lists a couple of fashion museums, another lists discount designer stores. Also it says that the Galeries Lafayette run weekly fashion shows. I believe you can reserve in advance if that works into your plan.
Go and have a great time, but don't let her put all the work on you.
Robin
Troy, OH USA
When my daughter was 16 we went to Norway, Amsterdam, Berlin, Copenhagen, Paris, London and the UK. She enjoyed it a lot. The one main thing she wanted to do in Paris was to go to the cemetery to see Jim Morrison's grave.
While we were in Amsterdam, we went into a store they had at least 80 different colors of nail polish that you could test. Rachel put a color on one nail, then she proceeded to do another, a clerk ask if she needed help she said no, I kinda thought I knew what she was going to do, when we left the store she had a different color on each nail...simple thing, but she had fun. So if something comes up that you might think is silly, let her do it.
Let your daughter read about where you will be and let her pick one or two things in each place that she wants to do. We also went to a Hard Rock Cafe for a meal in each city we went, which she enjoyed.
Andrea
West Coast
I took my daughter to Europe when she was 14, 16 and again this summer when she turned 18. She had the same attitude. (I'd been before and had seen all the cultural sights so was okay with that.) We did abbreviated visits of the "must sees" (saw only the Mona Lisa and Winged Victory at the Louvre, for example) and spent most of our time walking, eating, shopping, and just being there. It was really okay, and honestly we didn't have enough time just doing that. Doing things like walking up the Champs-Elysees, spending an hour in Sephora, and having a snack at a German McDonalds were actually lots of fun.
It was important to her to spend a little time every other day or so at an internet cafe to check email and communicate with her friends. The occasional treat (we were on a budget too) like the Hard Rock Cafe were fun for her. You will find plenty to do without spending hours in museums and churches, but brief-ish visits will be fine with her once she's there, I'm sure. Make sure she eats regularly whether she's hungry or not (we picked up sandwiches and ate outside a lot) and gets to sleep-in late sometimes. The cranky times were when she was tired or hungry. (...or maybe it was when I was tired and hungry.) Enjoy the memories and just relax about what you think you "should" do.
(Also, I tried to get her to help plan the trips and do some reading but failed totally, so I made all the plans and it worked out beautifully. Be realistic about who your kid is regardless of all of our advice!)
Randy
Minneapolis, MN USA
Maybe we are just lucky or maybe we are benefitting from our long history of taking trips as a family from the time our youngest was 6 weeks old, but our children (14, 12 and 7) are great travelers and we don't plan our trips around them (e.g. seeking out "child-friendly" sights). We see lots of old churches and museums, to say nothing of the dozens of castle ruins. That's child-friendly enough for us. Not every day is golden, but overall, it's been very educational and rewarding.
Bottom line; going to Europe (or anywhere else similarly far away) is a big deal for most families. She should be thankful for being invited along. Give her a chance to surprise you with how much she grows to appreciate doing the things YOU (the one paying for all of this) like. If she doesn't — if she brings you down and taints the memory of the trip for you — the solution is pretty simple; leave her home the next time.
Brian
Los Angeles, California
Most of the main tourist cities in Europe are fun to just walk around in and absorb the culture and atmosphere. Window shopping trips on the Champs-Elysees, Regent and Bond Street, people watching in Munich and Amsterdam, wandering through stores like Selfridges and Harrods, are all fun. Shop at street markets for picnic with local ingredients. Find tiny parks and green squares in the middle of town, or down some sidestreet. In Sarlat, purely by chance, we found an artist who did metal sculptures.
Sam
Kurikka
I did a 10-day rail trip in Italy with girls 17 and 15 last summer. Good news was that pizza was excellent and cheap, really undercut what I had expected to pay for food/day. Bad news was that out itinerary was a bit too intense, should have had more downtime, to just kick back, enjoy the atmosphere, and watch life go by. Find relatively safe places and let her shop and hang out on her own. Space and freedom makes teenagers happy.
Douglas
Oak Park, Illinois
I'll add a few things on trying to save money. Eat lots of street food. She'll probably like that more than formal sit down restaurants and its cheaper. Eat lots of gelato. You'll both walk it all off anyway. Get things for a picnic at the local food markets. The markets alone are an adventure and probably something she has never really experienced. Most markets also have express food service for a cheap yet tasty lunch. And as someone else said, eat or snack often to avoid getting grumpy. Let her sleep in some mornings while you go off to do something on your own that won't interest her.
Sam
Kurikka
From trampsing for days on end in places like Disney World and Europe, we've learned the "two-phase day" is really a great method for sightseeing, especially if it's hot: Get up and get breakfast (esp. if it's free), sightsee 3-4 hours then return to base for downtime, cool shower, sunbathe, whatever. Then make a second circuit after at least 2 hours of rest. This schedule fills your days with activity but makes them so, so much more livable!
Bob
Gettysburg, PA
I love my 2 daughters MADLY, but they are now 36 and 34. At 15, I would have paid someone to take them off my hands! Your daughter has told you HER ground rules and they don't sound conducive toward you having a good time.
From the heart, and for what it's worth...
Dawnya
Saint George
Thank you everybody for your advice. Kelsie is my baby, the youngest of three. So, I do have a tendency to give her whatever she wants. I think the best plan of attack is to have a loose itinerary and then just go with the flow. I will make her go to the Orsay and the Prado because both of those museums had works of art so beautiful they brought tears to my eyes. I felt so lucky to be there. Now I feel lucky to have the time and the money to take my daughter to Europe. We will only stay at places with wifi and I have a global phone so she will be able to text from where ever we are. This will make her happy.
Gail
Downingtown, USA
In June, we went to Italy (Rome, Pompeii, Naples, Positano) and then on to Frankfurt with 15 year old granddaughter who just wanted to go home to see her friends. She also wanted an "American hamburger" so we treated her to one at an Italian restaurant while we ate the Italian food. Before we knew it, she was eating off our plates. I think some of the posts are great about letting her see how much European pay for clothes versus us. As far as museums, let her pick what she would like to see, Dutch masters or sculptures and then focus on that, it worked well for us.
As a parent of a teenager, I am sure you realize they will have "meltdowns". Just grin and bear with it and look at the bright side: someday they will look back on the experience and be able to laugh at it. Our first trip to Europe was in February over Valentine's Day. How was I to know my youngest son had just met the "love of his life" and would be away from her on THAT DAY? Picture us in a phone booth trying to call the states with a phone card that didn't work and the fit he had (his life was over). We still laugh at it now as a great life experience. You will have the same memories. Enjoy your trip.
Sam
Kurikka
When I went with girls 15 and 17, I fixed in my mind from the start this was OUR trip — not my trip taking the girls. And against "I dunno" and "whatever" answers I made the decisions, but I always asked their opinions and listened to what they did and didn't want to do. What if this were your fiancé making the plans? How much would you expect her/him to take your interests (and disinterests) into consideration? Act like that. And you don't have to agree. You can always do the Louvre by yourself if you're the only one who wants to go. Your kids are better left with happy memories of sitting in a park feeding French fries to French pigeons than ugly memories of fighting and being dragged around.
Sherry
Colorado Springs
I just spent three weeks with my 15 year old daughter in Europe. We started in London then to Paris, an overnight train to Milan (which was fun as I spent a little extra to get a double for safety and sanity reasons), and from there we stopped in many Italian towns/cities and ended up in Naples and Pompeii. We had an extremely tight budget and still had a ton of fun. I was lucky that my daughter loves museums and churches, but we did a lot of other things as well that I think may work for you. Feeding birds in Paris, French bread and frites in the park was a blast (believe it or not). Hanging out in the park next to the Eiffel Tower was great (she did A LOT of boy watching while I rested my feet). Boat tour down the Seine was fun and not too expensive. There are great pastries and gelato in Paris as well as Rome, so we would get snacks and hang out in the squares or parks and people watch. In Rome, be sure to hang out on the Spanish Steps as there is a lot going on which a teenager would love to see. Also, on summer evenings there are plenty of side shows (performers). The Roman Forum and the Colosseum are outdoor museums and very impressive, so that would be a must (this was my daughter's favorite). When shopping, make sure you check out the smaller young/hip shops, there are tons of them and my daughter loved looking at all the fashions.
Be sure to do some of things you want to do and ask her to be respectful of your choices, since you are doing the same for her. I had this talk with my daughter before we went and when things went south (due to being tired or hungry), I would remind her of our talk. It worked out pretty good.
You should also do some research and look for funky museums — who knows what she may want to see (like a Crypt full of skulls in Paris). Good luck!
Lisa
MOON
Ask your daughter to read Jackie Steves' (Rick Steves' teenage daughter) blog. She can read about Jackie traveling to Europe. She was older than 15 but still a teen. This is a fun read for any of us!
http://www.ricksteves.com/jackiesteves/
Claudette
huntington beach, ca usa
Just got back from Rome and although it involves a church, your daughter might like going up to the cupola at St. Peter's. It's quite an adventure and once you get to the top, the view is amazing. You may want to consider doing a bicycle or a Segway tour, again it would be quite the adventure. Definitely sit down with her and have her do her own research so she can plan and get excited.
Jo
Frankfurt, Germany
What are your daughter's favorite school subjects? What are her hobbies? If she is a musician, then go to some concerts or an instrument museum. If she like architecture, see what you can do with that. Most kids like going to tops of things where you can get a good view. So consider climbing to the top of St. Paul's dome.
I would also recommend doing some bike tours or walking tours. Most teens love these, as they present the history of the city in an entertaining way, move quickly and can be lots of fun. Prices are cheap too, usually less than a boring old Hop-on Hop-off bus would be.
Eileen
Texan in CA
I recommend cutting the 'virtual cord' that keeps her constantly connected to everything 'home' (ever seen 'Audrey Griswold' in Europe LOL ?!? "Hello, Pan-o Am-o?") It's difficult to be in the moment in Europe, or anywhere else, if you're mentally somewhere else. She'll live...;-) , and enjoy her trip better.
I agree about not doing too much 'planning around a child' (unless they're babies, etc.). My parents didn't ask my opinion about much of anything (Thanks, Mom & Dad!), because THEY were the adults. When I became an adult I could do what *I* wanted.
I just don't understand all of these kids being so whiny in Europe. It's Europe, for cryin' out loud! I'd have been ecstatic at having the opportunity to travel! Nothing would have bored me (but then again, I WAS an exceptional child...).
Randy
Minneapolis, MN USA
"You can do the Louve by yourself if you're the only one that wants to go. Your kids are better left with happy memories of sitting in a park feeding french fies to french pigeons than ugly memories of fighting and being dragged around."
...that may be true, but I'll go one better; let the teenager feed the pigeons at home and go yourself, if you think this is what they would prefer. Traveling to Europe to feed pigeons may be a lovely memory in a family with plenty of money to throw around, but it's a sad waste for most families. You can't force kids to appreciate their surroundings. If you suspect they won't, leave them home. You won't be doing either of you any favors by force-feeding the experience.
Lisa
MOON
A funny thing is that Rick Steves went to Europe with his dad when he was 14 — and he really didn't want to go! But it happened that he loved Europe and caught the travel bug and has gone into the travel business and makes millions! The rest is history. Funny how things work out sometimes!
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