Breaking the Ice
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| Connecting with locals isn't just smart travel, it's lots of fun. |
Anyone can use a phrase book, but to really use new-found language skills, you have to overcome your shyness and start a conversation. Conversing with the locals turns glancing snapshots into unforgettable memories. It also drives a painless but effective stake through ignorant stereotypes — for the locals as well as for you. Here are some come-together tips shared by our traveling readers, distilled from that place where conversation is king: the Graffiti Wall.
Flatter 'em
Sincere admiration opens doors. Admiring a local's dog / cat / flowers / motorcycle / garden / whatever is a great way to get a conversation going.
Make Eye Contact
After a week in Rome, I hadn't really met a soul. So I thought about it — and I realized that I hadn't actually looked at anyone! Being a big city dweller, I was in the habit of avoiding eye contact with people on the streets. That evening, I made plenty of eye contact-and within an hour, was having the time of my life with new friends at a nearby trattoria!
Drop In Early
Irish nightlife centers around the pubs. To meet locals, arrive a bit early to snag a big table so that there are several extra chairs. As the night gets busier, people always ask to share the table. Every time I've tried this, I've met a fun montage of great people.
Hang Out Late
One night in Paris, we noticed a hundred or so people on the Pont Neuf, so we checked it out. Locals our age were just hanging out, drinking beer, wine, Coke — even some pot smoking. Everyone was simply relaxing. My wife and I found a nice spot to sit (Notre Dame ahead, Eiffel Tower behind), bought a few beers from a vendor, and hung out until well past 1:00 am. No police and no trouble, just a lot of fun.
Give Praise
I break barriers by complimenting people in the local language. In a restaurant in Korčula, Croatia, I saw the cook and said, "Dobro" — Croatian for good. Soon the entire staff was smiling at me, and when I left an hour later I felt more like a friend than just another tourist.
Be a Fan
Meet friendly locals in the Czech Republic by attending a hockey game. I am a 26-year-old woman who turned loneliness into lots of fun this way. I'm planning my second solo trip for October, and the hockey arena will be my first stop!
Flash Those Pearly Whites
Everywhere I've traveled a polite, genuine smile is the best icebreaker.
Love Those Pets
Before a recent trip to Paris, I accidentally stuck a picture of my dog in the book I was reading. When we got to our hotel, the picture fell out, and we made an instant connection with the hotel staff and I learned I had a great conversation starter. For the rest of the trip, I showed off my dog like a proud parent. Love of animals is an international language (same with grandchildren, if you have pictures of them)!
Picture Those Pets
Here's one good way to meet the locals in England: ask to photograph their dogs! All last summer in England I was on a self-appointed mission to photograph as many Jack Russell Terriers as I could. Dog owners love to show off their dogs, demonstrate their best tricks, and tell stories.
Make the Time
Don't be so stuck on your schedule that you miss out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. We had just parked our car in a small German town, and a kindly gentlemen walking by made a comment about the tight squeeze and how lucky we were to find a place. In chatting with him, we learned that he had served with Rommel in North Africa during WWII. Our schedule was suffering, so we said our good-byes. Later it dawned on me that I had missed the chance to discuss real history with a participant. I was too concerned with my plans to take the time to buy the guy a beer, so I missed out on an experience I can never recapture.
Run Errands
Locals are not watching the 10:10 a.m. bell-ringing festival or prowling through souvenir shops — they're living their normal lives. The easiest way to meet locals is to be where they are. Strike up conversations at the local car wash, at the public pool (visitors are always welcome for a buck or two), or just wander through the shopping area of any little town.
Ask for Directions
When I'm taking local transportation, I like to engage people by asking simple questions (like making sure I'm on the right train, or where to get off) — which signals to locals that I'm a traveler looking to connect. Many Europeans want to practice English as much as you may want to practice their native language.
Dig Your Roots
The highlight of my recent European adventure was visiting my Italian relatives — a truly priceless experience. Four months before I left for Europe, I sent my relatives a brief letter. I introduced myself, let them know when I would be in Italy, and told them that I would be interested in meeting them. They quickly responded, offering me a ride from the nearest train station and a place to stay. They met me at the station in Trento and brought me to their small village north of the city. I was the only tourist in town and all 500 inhabitants of the village (many of them my relatives) seemed as excited to meet me as I was honored to meet them.
Sunday's Cool
Attending church services can be a great way to meet locals. Neighborhood churches (rather than famous cathedrals and huge "downtown" churches) are the best, since visitors are less common there, and people go out of their way to make you feel welcome. Many have a welcoming coffee and cookies time after the Mass.
Get Unstuffed
Try second-class seating on trains — lively locals instead of stuffy businessmen and American tourists.
Get Naked
While in Germany, be sure to visit one of the many thermal baths that are found in just about any large town. These places are only frequented by Germans. If you have the courage, pay extra and visit the saunas. Clothing inside a sauna is not optional — it's forbidden! And in most places, men and women sauna together. How's that for an ice-breaker?
Pin That Hat
I collect little pins from places I've been, and display them on my favorite travel hat. When I'm on the road, the hat gets lots of attention. People comment, want to look at it closely, and ask which pin is from my home city. I bring a few extra pins from home, which I give as gifts to new friends.
Card 'em
We made personal business cards on our computer and passed these out to people we met as we traveled. Today we still receive email from folks we met. It's great to still be in touch with them.
Weave the Web
Don't know anyone in your destination? You might just make contact over the Internet. Last fall I visited Croatia. Before going I posted to an Internet travel bulletin board while doing research for my trip. A Croatian journalist responded to several of my posts. He gave me lots of good ideas, and when I asked about getting to some of the more remote places in Istria, he responded that he would love to show me his country. I was a little wary about meeting him-but I knew the minute I met him that everything was okay. My new online pal drove me around Istria and showed me things few tourists see.
Pen That Pal
Find a good international penpal website (I used Pen Pal International) and meet people from all over the world. Now I have people to see the next time I'm in Europe.
Pencil 'em In
I have just returned from Saint Petersburg, Russia. This was my first trip out of the country ever. I handed out pencils (with pictures of American dollar bills) and candy to the local children. I was the talk of the town. I found the people to be very appreciative of me, the dorky American tourist from a small farm town, with candy and funny-looking pencils.
Play Dumb
Even if you know the answer, just ask that cute German girl a question. It could lead to a long conversation.
Parlez-Vous
Try to speak their language. After a seemingly futile attempt to communicate in French, many of the locals would laugh and switch to English and we were fine. The French people appreciated our efforts (and we learned as we went).
Mingle
Join a club (if you belong to a service club like Kiwanis or Rotary, check the Internet for local club meetings where you will be), seek out weekend soccer teams, go to town meetings, visit public swimming pools, shop in small markets, attend school concerts and sporting events, go to nightclubs, attend personal appearances and book-signings in bookstores, track down travel slide-shows, go to church, use public transportation, use local barbers/hairdressers, buy from small vintners — there are many low-key ways to meet locals. Be courteous, inquisitive, and willing to participate when appropriate. Show people you are interested in them and their lives, not just the tourist traps, and your trip suddenly becomes more meaningful.
Bribe Your Kids
We found one of the best ways to meet locals is to have children with you! We took our two kids for two months around Europe. We did something we would never do in the States, and it worked like a charm: we bribed them. We told them if someone told us how well-behaved or polite they were, they would get the equivalent of $3. We didn't realize how great our kids could be! They discovered right away that saying "please" and "thank you" in the local language, smiling, and saying "good day," earned them a smile and a pat on the head. The money actually became a secondary reward, and they worked harder at learning how to say foreign words and make connections with locals than we did.
Swap With Cops
I volunteer for my local sheriff's office, and I've recently started collecting police uniform patches. On my last trip I took some from home to swap with local law enforcement agencies. Everywhere I went to, I visited the police, who were glad to swap patches. I grew my collection-and I made a lot of new friends!
Be Polite
Along with "please" and "thank you" it is really useful to learn to say, in the local language, "You have a beautiful country. We are having a wonderful time." Say it over and over. You will be happy and so will everyone else.
Be a Booster
Before a trip overseas, go to your local chamber of commerce/hospitality association/tourist board, and they will usually give you small flags or lapel pins of your state to give away to friends you make in your travels.
Show Your State
The best thing I did to strike up conversations was to sew my state flag's patch to my pack. So many people of all nationalities asked me what it was.
Ask Opinions
Rick's French-Italian-German phrase book was my best friend during a recent three-month adventure throughout Europe. I quickly learned that one of the most important phrases was "Which is your favorite dish/cheese/wine/etc.?" By asking this in restaurants and markets, it shows an interest in the local food and respect to the waiter or vendor for his opinion. The usual result: a great dish, and friendly conversation to boot.
Get the Recipe
Food is truly universal, so if possible, I ask questions about what I'm eating, how it's made, if it's a personal favorite, and so on. Locals appreciate my genuine interest in their food and cultures and seem delighted to explain the "special ingredient" that makes their dish so good. A great souvenir is bringing the recipe of a favorite place home.
Share Yums
In Germany, I shared a bench along the river with an older German lady. We sat in silence for a few minutes until three very good-looking men jogged past on the path. I looked at her, looked at the guys, raised my eyebrows, and said, "Yummm." She laughed, nodded her head, and the ice was broken. We had a fun chat and agreed to meet again the next day-and when I showed up, she had brought a German dessert to share!
Shop the Fleas
Wherever you go, do something local-like a flea market. This was a great way to mingle with the locals (and see what they shop for).
Break Up the Gang
With four of us traveling together, we knew we were at a disadvantage when it came to "mingling with the locals." To make sure that we did get to have stories to relate over dinner, we separated several times during the day.
Remind Yourself
Remember, the locals you meet are individuals, not tourist attractions who cease to exist when you aren't photographing them. If you want to take someone's photo, go up and ask them!
Return the Favor
Just as you want to meet local folks when abroad, look kindly on foreign travelers in the US. They just might be looking for the same kind of experience.
For lots more tips, check out our best-selling Europe Through the Back Door travel skills guidebook.