How rude are the French?
My husband and I are going on a Rick Steve's tour that starts in Paris (neither of us have been to Europe or Oversees before!). We are flying in two days early and I want to go see a few things that are not included in our tour. (like the Eiffel Tower) I have told a few people that I know have traveled to Paris about our plans and everyone has commented on how rude and not helpful the French are. I am wondering if this is a generalization or is there a way I can prepare in order to have a better experience!
Thank You!
Nicole
Denton, Tx USA 11/12/12
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My wife and I spent a month in France this past summer-in 9 cities including 4 days in Paris-we didn't encounter a single rude French person; it was our second trip, the last trip was just after we invaded Irag-we met no rude locals then either. I worked on my French (Fr I and II 40 years ago) and absolutely loved the reaction. Some days it was all French, some conversations the French person spoke English and I spoke French-and we did well. I'd suggest (1) a few phrases if you don't have time to study more, (2) realizing that lunch or dinner in a French restaurant is your destination event for that timeframe (don't try to squeeze a meal in between two timed events-it's a lot more fun to go at their pace (3) sign up with Paris Greeters for another perspective on Paris life, (4) carry you credit card/cash in a money belt. Relax and have a great time!
The Parisians will not be as friendly as they are in Denton, TX. They will not smile at you on the street, or in fact, even look at you or move out of your way. This is not really rudeness, just a cultural difference. The locals are busy and they live in a big city. Most of the people you encounter in stores and at ticket counters, etc, will be polite, if a bit reserved and formal.
Try to follow their rules of engagement by saying "Bonjour" before you do or say anything else. Keep a rueful I'm-an-idiot look on your face and they'll be helpful.
Whatever people dish out they usually get in return. So you should ignore those types of comments and do as the previous posters said--and just enjoy one of the greatest places in the world. You'll love it.
For numerous trips to Paris, only met two very, very rude people . One bakery owner would not serve us anything. That said, we have met some wonderful people who did not speak a word of English and helped us so much with drawing a map, using hand gestures, etc. We met a wonderful woman outside the Metro after our flight and trip on metro. She was wearing a great mink coat and with her guidance, got us to our hotel after she asked numerous shops in area where it was. Just like any place else, you will find rude people.
Paris is my favorite city. I have spent 3 weeks there over 3 trips and have not encountered rudeness. That is not to say there are no rude people there. There are rude people everywhere. It helps to understand a bit about their culture. They are very proper and it is good to greet shopkeepers and the like with a 'bonjour Madame, mademoiselle, or Monsieur", and say au revoir (goodbye) when you leave. Also learn please, thank you, excuse me and other polite words in French. Learn how to say 'do you speak English?' in French. Imagine someone approaching you and speaking a language other than English, with the assumption you will understand them.
In restaurants do not expect a quick meal. If you want fast, grab a street crepe or something like that. Also, don't expect your server to hover around or be checking back with you to see how things are. You must ask for the check.
I also recommend the Paris Greeter program. The program is free, but they do accept donations. Last year I submitted an application online about 4 weeks before my trip. I was matched up with a volunteer who was raised in the Marais area. He spent over 3 hours giving us a private tour. I had been in that area before, but learned so much more with the guide. They are not allowed to accept tips, so we took him out for a drink after the tour. It was a very nice experience.
Politeness and accepting that things will be different than you are used to will go a long way. I hope you love Paris as much as I do. Have a great trip!
My wife and I have made 4 trips to Paris over the past 3 years, spending over a month there overall. During that time, we encountered exactly one Parisienne who was rude to us. She was a clerk in a Paul's bakery, and seemed to be rude to everyone.
All of the other people we interacted with in Paris were just as nice as could be. Maybe it was the fact that we approached them with a smile, and at least attempted to speak their language (although poorly, I must admit). Everyone we dealt with was unfailingly polite.
...From our week in Paris during September, here's the "rude" we took note of:
** We arrive at a small breakfast deli 10 minutes before opening time; the owner saw us as two hungry Americans. He said ..."wait a second, I will brought a sidewalk table and chair for pleasure." All with a smile and attempted English. We got to go inside before opening and pick out our breakfast items.
** We arrived by city bus at Gare d' Lyon, about midnight. We asked a young Frenchman (age 22 or 23) where to enter that huge station and find the street behind it where the other bus would take us to our hotel. In broken English he said he would guide us thru the station. After several turns thru that cavernous building he deposited us near the correct door alongside two French army anti-terrorist guards with assault rifles, and said "..it is your stop." I watched him backtrack through the building, on his way; it was obvious that his walk with my wife and I was significantly out of his way. A guard walked us out and pointed to our bus; "merci" we replied. That's about all we knew other than "bon jour and aurevoir or something like that. Only rudeness,loudness or slobliness we encountered was exhibited by other Americans. "Do unto others and...
I've never encountered a rude Parisian, but this show in Paris embraces the stereotype:
http://www.oliviergiraud.com/UK/
If you have time one evening you should check it out, it's a hoot!
Nicole, French people are generally not rude, but tourists can be rude, uncouth and demanding. We do not know their langauge and expect them to know ours,, we do not know their customs and tend to judge their ways as "wrong" and ours as "right". We ask the same dumb questions over and over, and we often are tired and stressy, and once again, if they can't answer us in our language we feel hard done by.
I will give you one tip that will make a big difference.
Never, ever ask for anything or ask any question, anywhere, ( a tart at the bakery, a metro ticket from the kiosk, a coke from Mcdonalds or coffee from a Starbucks ) without FIRST saying "bonjour madame/monsiuer" . Period. It is considered the height of rudeness to start any interaction without first greeting the person politely. You can then say " je suis desole je ne parlez pas francais" ( I'm sorry I don't speak french") At this point most people will try and help you as best as they can with their sometimes limited english.
Once in awhile you may get a burnt out waiter, or whatever, try and be understanding and not too judgmental of a whole people based on one guy having a bad day, I don't think all Americans are pyscho murderers because I saw one on tv, right?
Finally yes, the bill it not brought to the table until you ask for it, they consider it a bit rude to "push" people, an exception is sometimes a a busy cafe they may bring your drink bill with your drink . Remember tips are different there too, just leave a bit of change, like less then a euro for a couple of drinks, maybe 3-5 euros for a nice sit down average price dinner.
PS your question was rudely posted, "how rude are the french",, hmm, might have shown more manners to ask " are the french rude" but there you go, seems like you already made an assumption .
Nicole,
The others have provided lots of good advice regarding the often quoted stereotype that the French are "rude". I very much disagree with the people you were talking to and the advice they gave you, as I've yet to encounter the type of behaviour you described, either in Paris or elsewhere in France.
As the others mentioned, it's important to remember that there are a few cultural differences. You'll receive a French Phrase book with your tour, and it would be a good idea to learn some of the polite words and phrases - Good morning / Bonjour Monsieur/Madame, Thankyou / Merci, Please / S'il vous plait, etc. You'll need to be patient in restaurants and it's not likely the Waiter will ask "how's your meal?". Approaching new situations with a smile and as much French as you can manage should make a big difference.
As this is your first trip to Europe and to France, I would highly recommend reading Europe Through The Back Door prior to your trip. It provides a lot of good information on the types of things you'll encounter in Europe. It would be a good idea to do some research on how the Metro system works. If you need further information, post another note,as you'll receive lots of good tips from the well-travelled group here.
Be sure to wear your Money Belts, and be sure to read the information regarding scams and pickpockets in ETBD. Which tour are you taking, and when does it take place? Do you know yet who your Guide is?
When you arrive in Europe, you'll find that it's a different world in many ways. Your first trip will be an exciting and interesting experience, and it may spark a desire to see more of Europe in future.
Happy travels!
I can say that I go to France or Belgium at least once a year, more often two or three, and I've only ever had two or three encounters with stereotypical rude French customer service. And one of those was at the SNCF travel centre in London, so maybe he was upset to be in the UK...
As various other people have said, the most important thing is that at any kind of business establishment except the very largest department stores or supermarkets, you must always, always greet the staff when you go in. Not doing so and launching straight into your transaction is considered very rude in France, and may well be the provocation for the "bad service" stories.
They're not.
The question, as phrased, is.
The response you get will all reflect what vibes you give out...
I was there for 4 nights 4 years ago. My attempts to learn French, failed.....I just found it too hard. But I learned my pleasantries. Not only did we never need to speak french, they automatically spoke English to us, before we had a chance to speak. The waiters are very serious about their job and will by no means come back to your table 5 times to ask how your meal is. They know how your meal is. There is no butt kissing in Paris and I wonder if that is why people think of them of being rude. We even stayed at Hotel Champs du Mars, where they are known for being rude to almost everyone.....they were the nicest and most helpful people we met in Paris. Like others have said, their demeanor may be a bit aloof and reserved, but it should not be seen as being rude. I am sure they think American friendliness as not being sincere; fake smile from the server, saying hi to a stranger as you walk by them on a side walk.
Pat writes, "It is considered the height of rudeness to start any interaction without first greeting the person politely." On behalf of all retail workers everywhere here in the US and Canada, can I just say that the same thing applies here? When I smile at a customer and say hello, and they pull their cell phone from their ear long enough to say, yeah, I'll have... Well, I don't feel especially warm towards them. And they may walk away thinking friendly customer service just ain't what it used to be. Again, you get back what you give out.
(Oops, I realize I may be derailing the thread, and it will now disintegrate into an argument about fake American cheeriness vs authentic European reserve. Carry on.)
from a retail worker....'Amen Karen!!' :)
I do not have anything further to add here that is substantive . All the previous posters have said it all beautifully . I would add one comment however .Throughout my life ( 66 years ) I have heard the " rude ,cold french " canard time and time again . Virtually always I might add from people who had " heard " of it . Having spent five weeks in France last year, my experience thoroughly confirmed what I had always suspected . Even upon returning home , when speaking to my neighbor ( who has never visited France ) he was unwilling to accept that he is incorrect . He still dislikes the French and will only eat " freedom fries " . One does not need an excuse for blind xenophobia !!
In my own view the French people are extraordinarily patient and polite, given the fact that their country is inundated by (per the French Ministry of Foreign Affairs) more than 70 million visitors each year, most of whom do not speak French.
If 70 million non-English-speaking visitors came to our country each year, I'm not sure they'd be greeted with politeness at every turn (although I'd like to think they would!)
Parisians have a reputation even amongst non-Parasian French people for being arrogant, but that's not the same as rude, and it's debatable (in the same way US people have stereotypes about "rude, arrogant" New Yorkers). What American tourists perceive as rudeness often break down to cultural differences:
-It is not normal to smile all the time if you work in customer service, are walking down the street, etc. This doesn't just apply to the French but many European cultures.
-Customer service transactions are not seen as a socializing event, but just something to be handled efficiently. People will not be chatty with you, ask how your day is, etc. Not rude, just different.
-The pace of meals is slower (again, true for most of Europe, not just France) so you my feel like you're being ignored by your waiter, but they're just moving at the typical pace. If you need something, it's NOT considered rude to motion to your waiter or waitress and say "Pardon" to get their attention.
Meanwhile, Americans often do things that seem rude to the French (and agian, other Europeans). This includes not greeting them, and walking up to someone speaking English, assuming they can speak it. Learn how to ask "Do you speak english?" before you start talking to someone.
If you keep this in mind I don't think you'll walk away thinking Parisians are more rude than anybody else, and you'll probably be pleasantly surprised. We've had nothing but great interactions with people all over France, including Paris.
Ralph, the French aren't any ruder than the Germans, just like the Germans it's a cultural difference.
You're not going to get to-go boxes in most restaurants in France (or Germany for that matter, unless you're in a very touristy place or an XXL schnitzel place) because taking food home is not part of the culture and see is a faux-pas.
Being rude implies some degree of malice. French people aren't out to get tourists, they're just going about their lives in a way that's culturally normative for them.
It has been a number of years, but when we spent 2 weeks in France, we met only 2 rude French. One as the cashier at the Eiffel Tower ticket office, the other was a waiter in Villandry. But the 2 rudest people we met on the trip were 2 Canadian ladies staying in our hotel.
Nicole: If I said to you, "I hear all Texans are rednecks. Is that true?" you'd probably be very upset, because that really isn't a question; it's an assumption, and a rude one. So, your first step is to put aside assumptions.
Second, watch out for "advice" from people who don't know what they're talking about. I actually know of one person who went to France and encountered rudeness. But everyone else I've met who says "everyone knows the French hate Americans" has never been there.
Are there rude people in Paris? Sure; it's a city of 3 million people, and at least one of them will be in a bad mood when you visit. Many will be cool, as posted above, but others will be very helpful.
If you really want to see rude behavior in Paris, just watch the tourists jostling at the base of the Eiffel Tower. I'd be in a bad mood too if I had to deal with that all day.
Do follow all of the above good advice (don't assume everyone speaks English, always say "bonjour madame/monsieur", don't expect smiles and chattiness from service people, etc), and you'll be fine.
As I said earlier, what you dish out is what you'll get. Asking for a take out box in a place where food is eaten on the premises is considered rude. If you went to the bar and asked for a bagette sandwich to go, you'd get one in a specialized paper bag or wrapped in a napkin. However, most people would eat even that at the bar. On the other hand, few places have take out boxes or even know what they are, as this grazing in public while wandering is a new concept that's just developing in a country that considers sitting and eating with others, be it family or friends, at regular hours, an important cultural and familial event. A few places are now offering to box things up, but it's still really a new idea.
And I agree with Pat about the title of the post.
If the title of the question was "How rude are New Yorkers?", you'd only have half a dozen folks defending them. But you make light of the French, and all the sudden everybody's an apologist.
You can make your own decision regarding French rudeness, but here's my opinion - can't say I've encountered anything I would call institutional rudeness in Normandy, Lorraine, or the Alsace. Paris is another story - and even the French folks in Normandy, Lorraine, and the Alsace will tell you so.
I'll defend New Yorkers. I've been to NYC many, many times, but before my first visit years ago, I was under the impression that New Yorkers could be rude and arrogant (per common urban myth). They were different than folks in Des Moines to be sure, but nothing could have been further from the truth. If you act like a dork in NYC, Toronto, SF, or any big city here, then you might experience what you perceive as rudeness. If you do the same in Berlin, Paris, or London, then you might experience what you perceive as rudeness. You get what you give, and preconceptions can be bad. And tourists anywhere can have a negative stereotype applied to them by locals for a variety of (mostly deserved) reasons. Take that into account. Big cities everywhere are very different from small cities, towns, or other rural places.
In Iowa, we're very nice. If you don't believe me, go to You Tube and watch the short Iowa Nice video (really, it's funny and is a must see).
I've been to Paris twice in the past 5 years and my two trips couldn't have been more different. On the first trip, my friend and I encountered many unhelpful Parisians, including our own hotel staff. We'd ask them (and people working in stores) where to find clothing stores, drugstores, etc. and all of them would say they didn't know. My friend spoke French well, including the accept, and was polite, and we didn't know why no one would tell us where the closest stores were.
My second trip, this past September, was really nice. My sister and I were there for a week. I speak a little French, enough to get by, and we didn't encounter anyone "rude." Parisians are what many Americans might consider brusque, but as others here have said, that's cultural. It was actually a relief for me not to have to play the stupid American customer-service game ("Hi! How are you? What can I help you find? Have a great day!").
And there is a difference between Parisians and the rest of France. My French teacher was from a town called Lorient in Brittany and told us that Parisians look down on French people who aren't from Paris. They think they're backward country people.
Since you're already going to Paris, you should try to look forward to it. Learn some basic French phrases (Hello, How are you? Where is the bathroom?) and don't expect everyone to be "rude." Read about the cultural differences between the U.S. and France so if something happens, you'll know not to take it personally.
Ditto the other posts re learning phrases, saying bonjour, not expecting everyone to smile at you, etc. The French are more formal and reserved than most Americans, especially when we're on vacation and they're not. The only unpleasant encounter I had with a Parisian was triggered by my own failure to approach someone politely about a problem (luckily my wife is more diplomatic). On the other hand, we'll never forget the bystander who took our picture on the Pont des Arts and then, in 2003 when we were invading Iraq over their objections, anxiously asked us "We're friends, aren't we?" Several people on that trip went out of their way to assure us, in subtle but unmistakeable ways, that the policy differences between our governments didn't reduce their affection for us as Americans. (The fact that we agreed with the French about Iraq probably didn't hurt.)
BTW, as an ex-New Yorker, ditto also to the comments about the fine people of that great city. For an interesting take on why New Yorkers seem different from other Americans, see Russell Shorto's "The Island at the Center of the World," about the Dutch influence there.
The nicer you are to the Parisians, the more fun you'll have confounding the stereotypes some of them must hold about Texans. Have fun!
I have told a few people that I know have traveled to Paris about our plans and everyone has commented on how rude and not helpful the French are
If that's the reaction of the French to them, then I think you've learned something about your circle of friends...
I'll just echo what everyone else has said. Unless you're on fire, the first words out of your mouth to anyone are "Bonjour Madame/Monsieur", and its not a bad idea to throw "please" (s'il vous plaît) onto your requests. It is also polite to offer this greeting when walking into a small shop. Realize France is not America with a different language, they have their own way of doing things. Expecting or insisting they do it the way you are used to back home would, I imagine, not bring out the best in people. And learning a few phrases in French goes a long way; I know maybe 30 words, but a few phrases like "I'd like to buy this" and "we have a reservation" have gone pretty far for me. Imagine the reception in Denton to visitors from Mexico that start every interaction in Spanish and you might get a sense of how some American tourists can come across overseas.
When I travel I find that the people at the front desk speak excellent English (although I greet them in the local language when I see them) and are happy to call to do things like make reservations at restaurants.
In a small French town like the one I live in, anyone NOT issuing a general "bonjour" upon entry to a shop or cafe or office will get a surprised stare from the occupants. It's expected. If you DO quietly say "bonjour" you will melt into the background. The closer you get to a big city, the less noticed you will be, due to the number of other people around you, but this little gesture of politeness will still be appreciated and will ease you into wherever you are. France is quite a civilised place, generally speaking!
From personal experiences, Parisians are great and as noted above respond quite favorably to travelers using a few French words and phrases. For what it's worth, if you are first to show the slightest inclination to give way on crowded sidewalks...well, that's a sign of weakness.
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